YOU WILL NEED a condom for this one.
From Kevin D. Williamson, an ode to Mitt:
What do women want? The conventional biological wisdom is that men select mates for fertility, while women select for status — thus the commonness of younger women’s pairing with well-established older men but the rarity of the converse. The Demi Moore–Ashton Kutcher model is an exception — the only 40-year-old woman Jack Nicholson has ever seen naked is Kathy Bates in that horrific hot-tub scene. Age is cruel to women, and subordination is cruel to men. Ellen Kullman is a very pretty woman, but at 56 years of age she probably would not turn a lot of heads in a college bar, and the fact that she is the chairman and CEO of Dupont isn’t going to change that.
It’s a good thing Mitt Romney doesn’t hang out in college bars.
You want off-the-charts status? Check out the curriculum vitae of one Willard M. Romney: $200 million in the bank (and a hell of a lot more if he didn’t give so much away), apex alpha executive, CEO, chairman of the board, governor, bishop, boss of everything he’s ever touched. Son of the same, father of more. It is a curious scientific fact (explained in evolutionary biology by the Trivers-Willard hypothesis — Willard, notice) that high-status animals tend to have more male offspring than female offspring, which holds true across many species, from red deer to mink to Homo sap. The offspring of rich families are statistically biased in favor of sons — the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male. Have a gander at that Romney family picture: five sons, zero daughters. Romney has 18 grandchildren, and they exceed a 2:1 ratio of grandsons to granddaughters (13:5). When they go to church at their summer-vacation home, the Romney clan makes up a third of the congregation. He is basically a tribal chieftain.
Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.
Don’t smoke that cigarette just yet, another one’s on the rise.
From an evolutionary point of view, Mitt Romney should get 100 percent of the female vote. All of it. He should get Michelle Obama’s vote. You can insert your own Mormon polygamy joke here, but the ladies do tend to flock to successful executives and entrepreneurs.
This piece by Williamson is truly a thing of beauty. It lays out before you word after word in a building crescendo that can lead only one place.
Not in the way Williamson or the National Review likely intended, though who knows, maybe they like pulling their own Akin, as in Todd. Because no writing has yet revealed the patriarchal panting behind Republican policy more vividly, that rejects the Ledbetter Act, sidesteps pay equity, while also demanding indentured motherhood, and expects gratefulness to the “Boss” for the pleasure of structure.
It’s good to be taken care of. Actually, it really is and when it’s reciprocated the chain never ends.
We even know the Mormon bishop who’s the subject of the piece would blush bright red if he read it, because it’s way too proud. Humble drives. It’s the code of life. You get, you give, more comes.
With the current state of the economy, our decayed and dying attempt to resuscitate the Built In America brand, and the collapsing infrastructure that holds these United States together, this whipped up passion for Willard Mitt Romney makes the reader want to believe that the life Mr. Romney created for himself he can replicate for us. He did it for his own.
If only we would unlock the door and hand him the keys.
Did someone just hit me over the head or did I do something I’ll regret in the morning?
[In case you're wondering, the condom is for you so you'll be protected from the lovemaking to Willard Mitt Romney from the National Review writer. But still, after reading the whole well-crafted thing, at least from the Republicans' point of view, somehow you'll still feel like you've been violated.]
Nope. What I need after reading this is a barf bag…
The Republicans are promoting and hoping for both of the above…
That’s exactly why I wrote that, and the condom was because the National Review guy’s column was a sex act w/ Romney!
Like!
I got to the barf bag too late. i spewed coffee all over the screen and keyboard as I read this. Where are they getting their facts on human sexuality? Definitely not from the Guttmacher Institute. I’ve never heard such crap in my life. I must be abnormal because I’m married to a man 7 years my junior who thinks I’m about the sexiest broad he’s ever known. And yes I still know how to sashay down the street. Romney is a complete turnoff for me. I like the intellectual types, the university professor which is what I married. He also carried a union card when he learned to build houses while going to grad schools. So you could say I have the best of two worlds.
You’re swooning TM.
Ha! No, but the guys over at the National Review are, that’s for sure.
Besides, I have my own alpha animal (w/ 3 sons), but he drives a big (and I do mean big) black truck and either wears a tool belt or packs ‘em.
@TM
Pick me up off the floor.
You are loaded with mnemonics here. Count them.
Cute though.
LMAO!
“Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.”
I need to show this one to my husband. We have two daughters….that should go down well
I must be a weird “female” because Mitt the corporate tribesman still does not get my vote.
hehheheh….
If Romney-Ryan doesn’t close the gender gap they CAN’T win.
It’s a good thing the Koch sucker Bros and the rest of the rich wingnutesphere keep these money losing rightwing rags afloat or clowns like the writer of this bilge would STARVE.
YES! I’ve been saying that for awhile now. Why fake the funk Mitt? You are PAID IN OVERFLOWING FULL. What’s up with some of these rich folks not being comfortable in their own skin since OBVIOUSLY Americans “wanna be like Mitt and other rich folks”? Americans LOVE LOVE LOVE rich! You would be a shoe-in if you just act, talk, and express Richie Rich-ness. His campaign director sucks. Need to hire me for a cool $1 million and I’ll bling his campaign out. Then Candidate Obama’s so-called superstardom in 2008 would be eclipsed by what I would do for TEAM ROMNEY. Heck with a platform. Dollars lifestyle and catchy small slogans for the WIN!
Work works!
Romney = Riches for America!
Legacy of Prosperity!
You don’t know PAID like ROMNEY!
I’ll buy Obama. And he’ll like it!
Gold brick road to the Presidency!
My caffeine is starting to wear off.
Please step away from the coffee pot……
It was new Boca Java bold blend. A bit much for me….
This is part of why people just aren’t so sure about Romney, but only part.
Americans don’t have a problem with rich people, but they shouldn’t promote policies that are harder on working stiffs.
They also appreciate rich guys who look like they’re enjoying themselves.
You know that old question about “who would you rather have a beer with?”? Romney can’t play that most American of games because he doesn’t even drink caffeine!
It always boils down to that. Will the rich really understand how the working stiffs really see things unless they used to be one? That’s an age old question. My very best friend, who’s barely hanging on to middle class, says this all the time about Romney:
Man, he’s just a typical rich white dude. I ain’t mad at him though!
He’s Hispanic. And I think his statement says much Typical implies a whatever and a “you know how they work” attitude. But he doesn’t hate that is wealthy. I don’t anyone that would turn down millions (I know a few are out there). Some say they would move to where the rich folk live and play. Others say that they would live there own way. But either way, we want the $$$. Romney conveys an image of the aloof and out-of-touch rich to many. But some see that as just fine to run the country. I think both Obama and Romney are aloof and out-of-touch in their own ways.
And maybe it’s off topic but….look at all them health white Bucks and Does….and not a SINGLE VETERAN amongst em!
It’s absolutely NOT off topic, especially since Mitt Romney is another neconservative who wants to send others to war if necessary, but doesn’t instill that kind of service in his own family.
On the other hand, why would anyone want to enlist given the horrendous manner in which our presidents and congressional leaders carelessly send our soldiers to battle through endless tours that leave them ruined for life?
Hey when your P-A-I-D, why put yourself in harm’s way? No disrespect to the rich that have served.
I don’t know when I’ve ever seen a more out of touch ode to a candidate. Has the National Review always sounded like a men’s magazine from the 50′s or 60′s? This is the kind of article men wrote when I was a child. Wow, just wow. And if I were an undecided female voter this would definitely be a turn off from Romney.
I got to the barf bag too late. i spewed coffee all over the screen and keyboard as I read this. Where are they getting their facts on human sexuality? Definitely not from the Guttmacher Institute. I’ve never heard such crap in my life.
Stongly second this, Jane Austen. Barf bag, indeed. I couldn’t believe what I was reading, I could barely get though this slop. His disdain (read hatred) for women comes off the page like the steaming pile of dog shite his words represent.
My mom was 10 years older than my dad and till the day she died 30 years ago this year, he told me no other woman existed for him. And, I could see it in the way they each treated one another. He stayed unmarrried until 5 years ago and married a woman his age. Unfairly or not, he is still lonely for my mom as his second wife (in his own words) “couldn’t hold a candle to your mother”.
I also don’t see the attraction of Romney for anyone. He’s an attractive man but his personality, belief-system and his constant lying are a total turn off for me even if I was not gay. It’s the complete package that counts.
Also, what’s up with that family picture? Why are all the boy grandchildren dressed alike and all the girl grandchildren dressed alike? I’ve never seen that before. Just peculiar.
On the dress, newdealdem, that’s very Mormon, meant for one thing to send a signal of modesty. It’s very typical of large family tribes in the Mormon world. Notice how easy it is to pick out the boys, separating gender for the younger ones.
I was imagining how that photo of the Romney Family would look if they were black and dressed the same? Ooo! Better yet, insert Herman Cain and his wife in there with the same number of children and grand-children….
Talk among yourselves..