Details from Bobby Jr.’s sealed divorce affidavit, which contains allegations that Mary physically abused him, stole personal items from his daughter, ran over the family’s dog in the driveway, and repeatedly threatened to kill herself – Lawrence Leamer, Newsweek
ELIZABETH EDWARDS and Mary Kennedy, are there any correlations? Most will think not, because there are more differences than likenesses between these two tragic stories of accomplished women, but yet I couldn’t help but think of the late Elizabeth Edwards when I read the dissection by Lawrence Leamer, who got a copy of the secret 60-page divorce filing for Newsweek. It’s classic Tina Brown coverage, a story that makes everyone look away, but which is rich with cultural, political and gender topics worth mining for the less squeamish, because the tragedy of a woman who is supposed to have it all but doesn’t is timeless.
It’s why I bothered to dissect in detail Sally Quinn’s ravings in my book, with her ramblings today, which are roundly being mocked, resembling the call to social arms she unloaded during the Clinton era. A woman whose association with power came through her love for Ben Bradley, who was married at the time they met, pushed her to shove Bradley’s kids out of the picture in his memoir about his son, all of which has been chronicled by Vanity Fair. Mrs. Quinn is evidence of sanity if you read the Kennedy divorce story, which depicts Mary Kennedy allegedly doing equally cruel things to her husband’s children by his former wife.
When the story of Elizabeth Edwards confronting her idiot pretty boy husband in the parking lot was exposed by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin, a moment that was recently replayed in the Edwards trial, the horrific scene of epic desperation of a woman so revered was a shock to the senses. The drama of her ripping off her blouse to be seen by her husband horrifying in its naked vulnerability. There were charges of sexism, as well as cruelty, against the authors for daring to report such a sordid story. However, it was true, so why did two men who got the scoop get charged with sexism for telling it?
The telling of human stories is what makes up the tapestry of our history, which will always be a fascination to those of us who write and cover public figures involved in politics, because as we search for the perfect leader we are sifting through the human experience of less than perfect people. Too many times journalists and political writers pick and choose stories according to personal prejudices, ideological factors and judgments that are better left to the public, because our job is simply to replay the facts and color of the drama unfolding in time. Editors choose what is obscene for their American audience, because in our country we are afraid of the truth, while some audiences put themselves above the stories of our lives, because some are judged not serious enough to spend time contemplating. That’s a personal choice that resides outside the writer’s purview, with the duty to tell another chapter in the ongoing saga of human struggles important if one solitary lesson is learned.
Bravo wouldn’t have an entire lineup of “Real Housewives of [fill in the city here]” shows, nor Mrs. Eastwood in reality, or E!’s weekly Kardashian crash, if people weren’t fascinated by the human condition, which includes watching someone unravel in public that’s got it worse than you. Kathy Griffin has become a maven of “Real Housewives” digests, with tonight’s episode of “Kathy” sure to have an item about a woman named Taylor Armstrong, whose soap opera off stage just ended in a legal settlement, the details of which could make Court TV.
A woman of means, Mrs. Edwards had innumerable choices, but yet she chose to stay in her marriage, but also aid her husband in a political cover-up that duped believers that the Edwardses were something they clearly were not. What makes a woman sell herself to an unworthy man at the cost of her self? It’s a subject I take up in my book in the chapter “It’s All the Woman’s Fault,” a topic I’ve mined over years on how women sabotage themselves, but also how the media can set women up, as some act as their accomplice.
Mary Kennedy’s life and end were far different than the late Mrs. Edwards, though the public picture was quite different from the private one for both. Neither woman was able to escape from the passion they had for men who weren’t worth their efforts.
Claims today that Mary Kennedy was sick with Borderline Personality Disorder would explain the divorce affidavit by Robert Kennedy, Jr. Both Mary Kennedy and Robert Kennedy had battled similar demons, adding anorexia to her list that included alcoholism, from which RFK, Jr. suffered as well, topped by a heroin addition.
However, the late Mrs. Kennedy had the talent and means to save herself, an accomplished architect with Parish-Hadley, with connections that could lead her away from destruction. But the story tells a tale that begins with her identity so wound up in the man and her marriage to Robert Kennedy, whom she began dating when he was still married, she lost it on every level attempting to resurrect a dead relationship, while reportedly dragging young children through the war her ego was waging.
Mary Kennedy’s family has responded to the Newsweek article and disclosure of the divorce affadavit, denying Mary Kennedy suffered from BPD. A short snippet of the family’s statement is below:
The false claim that Mary suffered from BPD is also an insult to those who do struggle with this serious mental illness. Right now, our primary concern is for Mary’s children. There will be a time and a place for the true facts to come out.”
Of course, an obsessive love addiction, a product of a rampaging ego, can make women of any means do crazy things. Take Shellie Zimmerman, who was arrested and charged with perjury for aiding her husband George Zimmerman lie to the court about finances to keep his bond low.
There is nothing so uplifting and healing, but can drop you to the cutting edge of insanity, like what love stirs in us. It can lift, save, as well as drive you to the depths of losing control if you ever forget the prime objective of life, which is to have a relationship with ourself that unlocks the keys to our own existence, damn everyone else around us.
Men seem to have a greater survival instinct than women, who are more willing to throw themselves over the cliff for love or it seems, the appearance of it.
Hell hath no self-destructive fury like a woman’s ego scorned.
As women get more freedom and power and leverage, what are we learning? Our stories hold the answers.
The reason I charge Heilmann and Halperin is based on the gleeful tone I inferred. They seemed to relish taking down this sad, sick woman. Was E Edwards cruel to the kids? I haven’t been aware of any charge of that. Did she run over dogs? As for the bigger question, why would a capable, talented woman throw herself over a cliff for a man–I wish I knew. This goes back as far as Medea or maybe farther. Whether they do or don’t stand by their men, I’m tired of them being the ultimate carrier of blame for their mans’ sins.
Thanks for explaining why that article hit you. Appreciate it.
I’m frankly much more tired of the “women as victims” theme. Ms Kennedy clearly suffered from mental illness, so I have nothing but sadness for her. But I’m bored out of my mind with the incessant whining about women who are “victims” of “powerful men” who “manipulated’ them. Women are not children, and this is not the 1950s. Women who marry powerful men and then ignore their behavior have bought in and are along for the ride, period. I don’t want to hear their teary martyr stories after Their Man has fallen off the pedestal.
And I’m sick of the Women -As- Rag- Dolls stories, too. Mrs Edwards wanted to be First Lady- that’s why she was willing to look the other way. Hillary wanted to remain First Lady, and saw all the good her husband was doing as more than enough balance for the bad. Callista Gingrich- well, let’s see how long that marriage lasts now that Newt is in debt and his career really is over. Women are individual human beings who are as strong or as weak as they want to be. As for the “tragic ending for a woman of means” line- what does that mean? Women who are wealthy are somehow supposed to be shielded from the kind of garbage women in the 99 percent have to go through?
I’m also tired of women “being the ultimate carrier of blame for their man’s sins.” But I think it’s time we understood that these days, women pick up that burden all by themselves, through conscious choice, and they don’t automatically get to be “wronged victims” when Their Man turns out to be less than he was advertised.
Boy JJamele,
You don’t pull any punches do you? That’s good.
I
If you click on one of the links it takes you to Sally Quinn’s column, which offers a classic, catty Quinnism, as she tars & feathers another female:
I was shoved up against Callista’s hair and nearly broke my nose. It was scary.
Thought you might appreciate that one.
Ms. Edwards, Ms. Zimmerman…the list goes on and on and on. How about all those repugnantklan wives standing by their partners after they got busted in men’s rooms? It crosses political lines although usually the left is a little more open about it.
That Mrs. Kennedy looks like she could be Bobby Jr’s twin sister. Weird.
oops~ I put my comment on the wrong thread~
A couple of thoughts…. While Elizabeth always seemed to me to be the policy brain in the family business I do believe both Edwards were motivated to get into public life by good human instincts and maybe after allowing himself to be brought down by hubris he can do some good.If for no other reason than to redeem himself in his children’s eyes.
Poor Mary Kennedy, if the newsweek piece can be taken at face value and she did have BPD, I’m pretty sure it is a fairly hopeless diagnosis without much success from therapy. She and Bobby Jr. seemed to have been the triggers for each others illnesses, tragic combination. That is probably why most 12 step programs discourage relationships between recovering people.
The twelve step program has a phrase for a thread that runs through the stories of both women ” de Nile is a river in Egypt.” Surely Mary knew what she was getting into with the Kennedy men if I know it sitting here in podunk,surely Elizabeth had inklings that her husband was straying before it blasted through the universe. Surely Mary’s siblings knew she needed help, surely Zimmermans wife knew it was stupid to lie in court.
People get this perfect picture in their heads and deny reality.
I just read the Newsweek story, but, I find it a little hard to believe that Bobby Jr would let her beat him up like that. Is he really that much of a wuss? He could have very easily defended himself and prevented that type of behavior.
“Wuss?” Jesus- really?
Spousal abuse of males by females is one of the last taboos in this male-dominated society. Retrograde attitudes like yours- that Big Strong Men are naturally dominate and therefore can’t be victims of violence by women unless they are “weak”- keep the phenomenon of abused men in the closet.
Seriously, get yourself an education before you post something that stupid again.
Yes, Wuss!
Get yourself an education. Why anyone male or female would put up with that crap is totally beyond me.
You know nothing about me and what has happned to me in the past, so keep your stupid opinion about me to your ignorant self.
Please, don’t become a counselor. If all you have to say to someone who is being abused is that they need to stop being a “wuss,” you would do much less harm just keeping your judgmental trap shut.
Look who is being judgmental? I suggest you follow your own advice, counselor and keep your yours shut.
And yes, quit being a ‘wuss” is actually great advice.
I can tell you exactly why. The reason he would not fight back (I haven’t read the article) speaking in generalities here because if they did get into an altercation, it’s likely that it would have landed him in jail.
cjoblak,
I find myself in alignment with jjamele on this point. You have no idea of the dynamics between Booby and Mary. Plus there is that whole Roman Catholic thing going on. He was a cad and she doled out penance. But instead of doing the rosary twice a day for a week, Bobby had to endure Mary’s abuse.
When relationships go toxic, when they go south, preconceived notions go right out the window. A physically weak woman can overmaster a male via emotional and physical abuse. All she has to do is convince him that he “deserves” the punishment. Guilt can turn men (and women) into utterly passive non-actors.
Remember Bobby lived with this woman 24/7 for years. That is plenty of time for her to turn him into jello; utterly at a loss of what to do.
Oops, my Freudian Slip is showing; Should be Bobby not Booby. Your mind set seems to be infecting me cjoblack
Obviously he was non violent.
no offense to your comment, but, sometimes non-violent equates with stupid.
And sometimes violence only makes the situation worse. What happens if he strikes back and then she escalates? That way can be madness. But the whole relationship was madness from the beginning– so toxic that the EPA should have intervened.
Meanwhile 2.6 Billion people in the world are living on less than a dollar a day.
http://www.wri.org/chart/population-living-less-than-1-per-day-1981-2004
And half the world lives on less than $2.50 day
http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats
I bet any one of those persons would gladly trade places with Mary Kennedy, the women doubly so.
I find myself in agreement with JJamele, Mary Kennedy did have a part in making this bed.
The one part that really jumped out at me is that she dated Bobby Jr. while he was still married. Hello? Hello?! HELLO!! Maybe not such a good idea? Maybe this guy has “issues” with commitment? Oh, by the way, HE IS A KENNEDY MALE; is any of this sinking through? No? All-righty-then, go right ahead; you have been warned.
I had a friend who dated a guy who was still married (they were “separated but still living together,” no kidding.) He finally divorced and got engaged to my friend- and then he cheated on her during their engagement, and she was “devastated.” I couldn’t work up any sympathy for her.
Punchline- she is still considering marrying him. I bet you anything that if she goes through with it, inside of five years she’ll be whining about how wronged she is when she learns he’s seeing someone on the side.
I rarely agree with you on issues, spin, but, I do on this one. She knew what she was getting in to. Boy that money and power are powerful aphrodisiacs for some women. like highly addictive drugs.