Shock doesn't even come close to the reaction. Shock and awe, maybe. “Truthiness” was nowhere
to be seen. What Stephen Colbert served up last night was nothing short of a
scathing review of where we stand today, the media's complicity in how we got
there and the person that holds the power to get us out of this mess but won't
because he doesn't have a clue we're even in trouble.
“Reality has a well-known liberal bias,” said Stephen Colbert. Last night, however,
the facts made everyone squirm, and I do mean everyone. I've now watched the
entire performance, thanks to TiVo, and can tell you that there has not been
a braver individual taking it to George W. Bush in the entire time of his presidency.
It was an unvarnished roast, much to the astonishment of the audience. You have to go back to our parent's days, to the likes of Don Rickles of old to find anything comparable to the rhetorical heat. However, you'd have to add a lot of IQ points to the mix to match Stephen. Colbert spoke the truth, said it with a laugh, and left
the audience stupefied at the nub in the middle, which they couldn't decide was funny, sad or embarrassing to themselves, as well as a scathing indictment
of President Bush, politicians, pundits and the press and what they're managed to do with the most
pressing issues of our time. Colbert's message: you've blown it big time and I stand here representing a whopping majority of the American people to say, YOU SUCK.
It was scorched earth comedy, baby, topped with splendid satire, which left everyone looking as if they'd
just been mugged, though without rumpling anyone's clothing. Colbert was not only brilliant and biting, he was nothing
short of heroic. No wonder the wingnuts are rioting. Stephen Colbert eviscerated everyone, but took particular aim at the man in charge, which has not been done since George W. Bush road into Washington backwards on a jackass.
Cobert's heroism was driven home because he followed the dueling Bushes, George
and his impersonator, which showed the lighter side of what makes Bush, well,
Bush. However, in the end there is nothing funny about the pitfalls of this
president because of what it has led this nation into. The dueling Bushes were
to show what a good sport Bush is and how he can laugh at himself. Colbert's
follow-up fact and reality check obliterated everything that had come before, leaving only an incompetent man standing naked in the room.
The Democratic Underground has part of the transcript,
video clips that offer Colbert's performance. I highly recommend that you
watch the whole thing, a performance that will surely become legendary as years go by.
Mr. President and first lady, my name is Stephen Colbert and it’s my
privilege tonight to celebrate our president. He's no so different, he and
I. We get it. We're not brain backs on the nerd patrol. We're not members
of the fact (police). We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where
the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve
endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know
some of you are going to say I did look it up, and that’s not true.
That's but you looked it up in a book.
Next time look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous
system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight
from the gut, ok? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument.
I call it the no fact zone. Fox news, I own the copyright on that term.
I'm a simple man with a simple mind, with a simple set of beliefs that I
live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists.
My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to
the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to
see how “The Washington Post” spins that one tomorrow. I believe
in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China
figures out a way to stamp it out in plastic for three cents a unit.
In fact, ambassador, welcome, your great country makes our happy meals possible.
I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the
government that governs least.
And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq. I believe
in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible —
I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though
I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their
own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe our infinite paths
to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The president makes
decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions,
and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type.
Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again.
Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head.
You know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to
stand up to the administration. You know fiction.
Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions,
after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes.
So the white house has personnel changes. Then you write they're just rearranging
the deck chairs on the titanic. First of all, that is a terrible metaphor.
This ships not sinking.
This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck
chairs on The Hindenburg…
Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some heroes, Buckley, Kim Schieffer.
By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be to my show. I was
just as shocked as everyone here is I promise you. How is Tuesday…tonight?
General Mosley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace. They still
support Rumsfeld. You guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support
Rumsfeld. Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired
generals causing all this trouble, don't let them retire. C'mon, we've got
a stop loss program; let's use it on these guys. If you're strong enough to
go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and
order men into battle.
C'mon. Jesse Jackson is here. I had him on the show. Very interesting and
challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he’s going to say
what he wants at the pace that he wants.
It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, because your grandchildren
will have no idea what a glacier is.
UPDATE: DailyKos diarist, Frederick, offers a transcript too.