*** As seen in the LA Weekly ***
The man – woman or woman – man, man – man, woman – woman thing is a mine field these days: Do I call; should she? Does he expect me to pay my share? Does she expect me to treat her? Should I accept a blind date or place a personal ad? Relationships on every level have become as complex as we’ve ever known. It’s not just the sex that’s confusing us. Romance is screwed up too, and that’s how all this begins. Music, candles, flowers, the spark. Instant chemistry. You know the moment you meet them. It’s ebb and flow; laughter and conversation; eyes locking and lips meeting. Never a hesitation or doubt. Yeah right! Sure, we’ve all had those magic moments. But sometime, somewhere, somehow, something is going to fall out of place and there you’ll be. Off guard, perhaps even a tad hysterical, if only on the inside, and you’ll need someone who cares to talk to.
That’s what this is about. A place to exchange ideas on sexuality and relationship, or maybe just read about someone else’s dilemma, only to find out it’s the same as yours. If something is on your mind, just say it, ask it, write it down and send it to me. I’ll play back scenarios for you, give you some feedback and then you can decide what works for you. No right or wrong answers, just some straight-at-you dialogue. If I wimp out, call me on it.
One thing it’s not is therapy. And I’m not going to be politically correct either. Talking with all types of sexually active individuals has taught me that sometimes all the rules in the world won’t work when it comes to matters of heart and desire. Those are primal impulses we steer by the sheer power of our will. So, expect frank discussions revolving around sex and relationships with individuals working it out on their own.
Oh, and did I mention sex? How long to wait before doing it. How honesty and fidelity work with trust and long-term relationships. Everything.
There’s no easy way through this, though. We’re all here to learn some things and if we don’t get the message the first time around, the experience repeats itself in our lives until we do get it. And forget about the word “need,” will you? We need air, food, shelter and water. Start thinking in terms of what you want. Happiness? Sure, everyone wants to be happy, but life isn’t just about happiness, it’s about learning and growing. Evolving. Happiness is the eventual reward for a life well examined.
Oh, and every once in a while you’ll have to put up with my philosopher gene, just write me. I’ll try not to sound like your mother.