Megyn Kelly declares Santa is white.

Megyn Kelly declares Santa is white.

“For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white.”Megyn Kelly

BEWARE, kids, there’s danger in watching Fox News channel, according to Megyn Kelly. Defining Santa could plunge any unsuspecting viewer straight into Christmas Anxiety Disorder. We don’t want anyone scared some black man may come shooting down your chimney!

Illustration by Mark Stamaty

Illustration by Mark Stamaty

It all began because of the Santa article by Aisha Harris over at Slate.com

Jedediah Bila tries to rescue Kelly, but there’s no stopping this sleigh wreck.

“Jesus was a white man, too. It’s like we have, he’s a historical figure that’s a verifiable fact, as is Santa, I just want kids to know that. How do you revise it in the middle of the legacy in the story and change Santa from white to black?” – Megyn Kelly

Jesus”¦

“¦a verifiable fact, as is Santa”¦

Horrors! We simply cannot change Santa from white to black. Legacy. We’re in the middle of a freaking legacy, here, people.

First, there is no evidence whatsoever that Jesus was “a white man,” with the odds that the most famous religious revolutionary in Christendom was a Middle Eastern Jewish guy pretty high.

Megyn Kelly walks herself way out on a precarious evergreen bough through postulating about the specifics of Santa, which in the 21st century is wrapped up in the festivities surrounding conspicuous consumption, no matter your budget. Like religion itself, the specifics are in the eye of the practitioner. One size does not fit Santa, or Jesus, for that matter.

“I’m a straight news anchor, I’m not one of the opinion hosts. The way we do it on the Fox News Channel is the straight news anchors like us give a hard time to both sides.”Megyn Kelly to Jay Leno

The real issue for Megyn Kelly is that she desperately wants to be Shep Smith, but she’s really Bill O’Reilly in a dress.