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Megyn Kelly Saws Off the Christmas Tree Branch She’s Sitting On

Megyn Kelly declares Santa is white.

Megyn Kelly declares Santa is white.

“For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white.”Megyn Kelly

BEWARE, kids, there’s danger in watching Fox News channel, according to Megyn Kelly. Defining Santa could plunge any unsuspecting viewer straight into Christmas Anxiety Disorder. We don’t want anyone scared some black man may come shooting down your chimney!

Illustration by Mark Stamaty

Illustration by Mark Stamaty

It all began because of the Santa article by Aisha Harris over at Slate.com

Jedediah Bila tries to rescue Kelly, but there’s no stopping this sleigh wreck.

“Jesus was a white man, too. It’s like we have, he’s a historical figure that’s a verifiable fact, as is Santa, I just want kids to know that. How do you revise it in the middle of the legacy in the story and change Santa from white to black?” – Megyn Kelly

Jesus…

…a verifiable fact, as is Santa…

Horrors! We simply cannot change Santa from white to black. Legacy. We’re in the middle of a freaking legacy, here, people.

First, there is no evidence whatsoever that Jesus was “a white man,” with the odds that the most famous religious revolutionary in Christendom was a Middle Eastern Jewish guy pretty high.

Megyn Kelly walks herself way out on a precarious evergreen bough through postulating about the specifics of Santa, which in the 21st century is wrapped up in the festivities surrounding conspicuous consumption, no matter your budget. Like religion itself, the specifics are in the eye of the practitioner. One size does not fit Santa, or Jesus, for that matter.

“I’m a straight news anchor, I’m not one of the opinion hosts. The way we do it on the Fox News Channel is the straight news anchors like us give a hard time to both sides.”Megyn Kelly to Jay Leno

The real issue for Megyn Kelly is that she desperately wants to be Shep Smith, but she’s really Bill O’Reilly in a dress.

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10 Responses to Megyn Kelly Saws Off the Christmas Tree Branch She’s Sitting On

  1. secularhumanizinevoluter December 12, 2013 at 9:42 pm #

    WOW! I mean…..just WOW! The level of racism and outright , bone crushing stupidity of these sociopaths is really difficult to get one’s mind around.
    She, lil white girl megan, is worried po widdle repugnantklan,teabaggin kiddies…WHITE kiddies might think an imaginary f-cking ELF…NOT EVEN A HUMAN BEING isn’t WHITE?!!!!!!!!!
    And then that Jeebus…another more then likely imaginary individual since there is ZERO physical evidence….but someone who even IF he did exist would no doubt look alot more like those folks Megan and her Ku Kluckin friends are worried about so much imposing Sharia law on all the lil UBERChristian chillen.
    But they’re NOT racist…they’re NOT! BWAHAHAHA!

    • Mike Light December 14, 2013 at 8:53 am #

      The whole santa-is-white silliness is obviously bogus. A cartoon character loosely based on the name of a man long ago who apparently was generous.

      The Jesus-was-white assertion makes a really strange assumption, that Jesus shared any genes with his mother. At least according to the old text Jesus didn’t have any genes from the husband-of-Mary (a.k.a. Joseph), so either Mary was impregnated with god-sperm, or implanted with a god-egg, complete, not inheriting any DNA material from Mary either.

      Now if I was a god, I first of all would have a lot more than 23 chromosomes, which wouldn’t be a good match with most humans then or now, so my impregnation of Mary would be a full egg and have no “race” at all. In fact, Jesus “blended in” well with his local population; a kind of chameleon effect. Despite his popularity, it took a close confidant to identify him.

      If you Believe.

  2. mjsmith December 12, 2013 at 10:58 pm #

    Jesus was born in Palestine. Do not ask me why but Arabs are considered “white” here in America. I am not aware of any concrete historical “proof” that Megyn Kelly refers to. The guest who spoke at the end of the clip, Bernard, had some interesting concepts of Santa.

    I remember going to see Santa Clause in Detroit when I was very young. There were two lines. One line for White Santa and one line for Black Santa. I was able to find this article –

    http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2012/12/21/177661/commentary-wishing-for-the-spirit.html

    … “Growing up, I spent a lot of time in Detroit, which was home to Hudson’s Department Store, billed then as the second-largest department store in the country (behind Macy’s in New York) and, at 25 stories, the world’s tallest department store.

    Hudson’s was one of the first stores to have a black Santa. But, as I recall, many young black kids didn’t want to go to him because, since he was not white, he couldn’t be the “real one.” That reality has shades of the black/white doll experiment used as evidence in the historic Brown v. Board of Education case.” …

  3. ladywalker68 December 13, 2013 at 9:46 am #

    Since no one has ever seen the REAL Santa and we know he only sends his helpers to work in the department stores at Christmas to collect data because he is busy making the toys in the North Pole right up until his sleigh launches, no one really knows what color he is.

    His pictures are concepts from the imagination of artists who see what they want to see.

    So there, Megan! Phhhhhhhhhhtttt!!!!

  4. casualobserver December 13, 2013 at 11:59 am #

    Must be a slow news week for this item to take up one third of the Memeorandum aggregation page.

    “Horrors! We simply cannot change Santa from white to black. Legacy. We’re in the middle of a freaking legacy, here, people.”

    Who is “we”? Since “we” are critiquing linguistics as the fundamental basis for this post, it would be more linguistically proper to argue “People should be allowed to divert from the more superficial traditions of Christmas if they so choose. However, they are more than annoying to go on television and preach their new interpretations as something that needs to be abided by others.” Megyn Kelly stood up for the maintenance of the tradition of her viewers. Yes, she slipped into opinion mode from “straight newscaster.” Although, I don’t remember the same critique when Shepard Smith slipped into his opinions. Oh, that’s right, his opinions were more to non-traditional viewers liking.

    “First, there is no evidence whatsoever that Jesus was “a white man,” with the odds that the most famous religious revolutionary in Christendom was a Middle Eastern Jewish guy pretty high.” I don’t recollect reading here any objection to the many times George Zimmerman was referred to on these pages as “white”. But since we need to play linguistic games to satisfy everyone, then, yes, the “odds” are high that Jesus of Nazareth fame was a “white Semitic” to George Zimmerman’s “white Hispanic”. Horrors that Megyn Kelly did not more correctly use the term “Caucasian”.

    • secularhumanizinevoluter December 13, 2013 at 8:33 pm #

      I so love when the racists get nailed for their racism and the wingnutesphere jumps to their defence!!! Bravo….nicely revealed!!

  5. guyski December 13, 2013 at 1:11 pm #

    Everyone commenting about ‘Santa’ is wrong. Santa is actually S.A.N.T.A. part of the vast international intelligence gathering network that includes the N.S.A among other agencies (foreign and domestic).

    This is clearly stated by the lyrics of ‘S.A.N.T.A. Claus Is Coming To Town’:

    He’s making a list,
    Checking it twice;
    Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice.
    Santa Claus is coming to town

    He sees you when you’re sleeping
    He knows when you’re awake
    He knows if you’ve been bad or good
    So be good for goodness sake

    Jolly fat old man…..yeah right. ;)

    • secularhumanizinevoluter December 14, 2013 at 6:51 am #

      Actually I want to know why this ILLEGAL ALIEN PEDIPHILE hasn’t been picked up for his many, many decades long reign of terrorizing and stalking of our white chillin?!!!!!
      He’s making a list,
      Checking it twice;
      Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice.
      Santa Claus is coming to town

      He sees you when you’re sleeping
      He knows when you’re awake
      He knows if you’ve been bad or good
      So be good for goodness sake

      My GAWD what ain’t even THERE!!! Are we going to wait till he abducts the “bad” chillin and takes them to the North Pole to cook for his Satanic cult ekves?!!!!!!

  6. Mike Light December 13, 2013 at 4:42 pm #

    Apparently Megyn Kelly didn’t listen to the Sage Forrest Gump, when he observed “Stupid is as Stupid does.” Rumor has it she plans to explain the stupidity away tonight (Fri., Dec. 13).

    My guess: “I was just trying to a be like Jon Stewart.” Which would be a second violation of Forrest Gump’s sensibilities.

    Won’t be long before Megyn Kelly and Al Sharpton are tied in the ratings.

    • ladywalker68 December 14, 2013 at 2:38 am #

      Well, said, Mike Light!

      I just can’t get into the frame of mind of someone (Kelly) who felt so vehemently entitled to claim the race of Santa Claus was hers. Why she felt she even had to go there? I just don’t get it. I totally agree: stupid is as stupid does.”

      By the way, my first name is Virginia. And while the letter, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus was not written specifically to me, I remember my mother reading it to me when I got to that “skeptical” age.

      I located an article about the letter, which was penned way back in 1897 by newsman Francis Pharcellus Church, in response to eight-year-old Virginia O’Hanlon. I just re-read it and believe it captures the true Santa Claus, and no where in the description so I see anything about color, gender, or sexual orientation. He does however, emphasize the insignificance of “man” (I agree that we humans have a really self-righteous and bloated sense of our own significance in the grand scheme of things) and he nails the issue of people with “small minds” (Megan Kelly you need to read this and try to comprehend, but I am not sure you can fit very much information into that tiny space that is open in your mind….)

      Here is Virginia’s letter and the response from Francis:

      “DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
      “Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
      “Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’
      “Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

      “VIRGINIA O’HANLON.
      “115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET.”

      “VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

      Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

      Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

      You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

      No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.”

.... a writer is someone who takes the universal whore of language
and turns her into a virgin again.  ~ erica jong