WHAT’S WITH the gold curtains? I kept waiting for “This Republican address brought to you by Goldline.” But at least he passed the Bobby Jindal bar.

But I’ve never heard a worse case of dry mouth over nerves at this political level ever. Line after line it just got worse. At one point he couldn’t unstick his words from his mouth.

Then he did it. The grab for the water bottle. I’ve never seen anything like it from a professional politician. It was epically awkward.

Poland Spring immediately started trending on Twitter.

The lunge that will be seen ’round the world and remembered when the next candidate to rebut President Obama surfaces.