Drudge is hoping for a comeback to his glory days, giving the Gore story the Clinton treatment.

After the Edwards scandal and the media spiking the story for years, The Oregonian at least printed some details, including the fact that the case wasn’t investigated because there wasn’t sufficient evidence. It’s been picked up by the AP, Washington Post, and every right-wing blog you can name.

The details of the case coming so close after the Gores’ separation provide lots of fodder. Former Vice President Al Gore’s office didn’t respond to my query for further comment, with Kalee Kreider having given this statement to the
Oregonian, which is where they’re leaving it: “Not only has there not been a settlement, we haven’t been approached about one nor can we imagine any basis for one.”

John Powerline asks a stupefying question: I know the “imagine if it were a Republican” theme gets tedious, but still: is it conceivable that if there were a police report accusing Dick Cheney of a sexual assault, it would not be the occasion for the biggest media frenzy of recent years? If this happened and if a “media frenzy” resulted it would be because the very event of a “sexual assault” would likely kill the man.

Not even the National Enquirer, who broke the story, seems to be taking this as seriously as they did the never ending John Edwards scandal. The documents that detail the alleged event are hilarious, though I fully realize that if this were true there would be nothing funny about it. I just find the entire storyline the stuff of romance novels, complete with repetitive plot line we’ve seen before.

[…] She also detailed why she didn’t flee, claiming she was fearful she might be shot or tasered by the retired politician’s security detail.

However, when Detective Cheryl Daul of Portland Police, quizzed the masseuse further, she later admitted she saw no security in or near the hotel suite; a contradiction that she apparently did not grasp.

After first being rebuffed, Gore tried another tactic, according to the woman, “pleading for the release of his second chakra ” — a euphemism for sexual activity, she claimed. […]

… The woman alleged Gore tried to take off her top and then told her to come into the bedroom and listen to his iPod, a song by Pink “about the current president, Bush, that would shock me,” she told police.

Gore then played “Dear Mr. President” and according to the police documents, that was the trigger for things to get rougher.

But Mr. Gore has finally got his Paul Jones, with a splash of Lewinski added in for drama. Gore’s accuser calls him “a crazed sex poodle.” Oh, it gets better:

After fleeing Gore’s suite, the woman returned home to discover, a la Lewinsky, “stains on the front of my black slacks.” Suspecting that the stains were Gore bodily fluids, the woman made sure not to clean them. “I carefully hung them up and decided to be sure not to launder them until I knew more what to do with what had happened. Just my intuition.” While the masseuse hired a civil attorney, “I was not interested in making any money from this case,” she told cops. “I did not want to be labeled a gold digger like the women in this situation are often labeled.” The woman recently eased off this principled stand when she offered to sell her story to the National Enquirer for $1 million.

I mean, really.

The D.A. closed the case for lack of evidence:

Law enforcement authorities in Portland, Oregon said Wednesday they had investigated complaints by a 54-year-old masseuse that she was “subjected to unwanted sexual touching” by former Vice President Al Gore in 2006, but that the case was closed for insufficient evidence.

“Insufficient evidence” is why she’s taking her case to the media.

Statute of limitations for this drama, which would be considered a “third-degree sex abuse” charge, runs out in 2013. The alleged victim has not filed a civil suit.

Maybe some new Republican “elves”* will surface to help Al’s accuser out.

*“Elves” – Coined by Michael Isikoff, it once referred to right-wing lawyers, two of whom were Richard Pryor and Jerome Marcus, with the Federalist Society their common political bond, who provided anonymous and pro bono legal help to Paul Jones on the condition that they not be identified. Anne Coulter would later surface among the Jones’ “elves,” too. In fact, the “elves” reached out to Ken Starr before he was independent counsel. Some of his friends included the Independent Women’s Forum, which reportedly had respected conservative “luminaries,” to use Ken Gormley’s words. Ken Starr not only advised Jones’ attorneys, but filed a “friend of the court” brief on behalf of Jones before he got the job he coveted running the OIC. See Salon.com for more.