Bush and Rush ‘Victory’ Fantasies
01 May 2006 1:40 pm by Taylor Marsh
Bush and Rush “Victory” Fantasies
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| Rush, the mug shot. |
Random
drug tests for Rush Limbaugh is “a victory”? It all depends on
your definition of “victory,” I guess. But nevertheless, that's what
el Rushbo declared today, “a victory.” But if a mug shot is a victory,
George W. Bush enjoyed Stephen
Colbert's roast this weekend.
I could have written this post on Friday, right after Rush was arrested
turned himself in. However, it would have made listening to Rush this morning
unnecessary and quite frankly, I just couldn't resist tuning in to see the Republicans'
right-wing radio king spin what happened. I also wanted another excuse to post
his mug shot. Come to find out, Rush is very happy with it. He's even going
to use it in his pr file. Ho-boy, like we're going to buy that one. Luckily,
el Rushbo didn't even make me wait to hear the scoop about his arrest… er…
turning himself in, which I appreciate. I just can't make it through a whole
radio show of any of the president's propagandists anymore. But what Rush did
today was quite interesting. It follows a new pattern all the president's people
are taking. But first things first.
The most hilarious part of the mug shot – finger print accounting today was
that Rush had obviously been coached not to say the word “drugs” anywhere
in his radio monologue. El Rushbo talked about his “prescription pain medication”
addiction. Yeah, yeah, whatever, Rush boy, but the pills you were popping make
you a serious drug addict, okay, pal? Now you're a recovering drug addict, great, but bobbing and weaving around doesn't change the facts. Once a drug addict
always a drug addict, just ask any member of AA. The problem is one pill away, thus the random drug checks Rush has to submit to the next 18 months. I don't call that “a victory.” I hope they don't make him take a pee during his radio show. I can hear it now… Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, but the sheriff is here with a nurse and I have to go pee in a cup right now. But don't go away. We'll be back after the break…. Some victory.
But then Rush finally got down to proclaiming the bottom line of it all: “Not
guilty.” Then on and on he went about that's what he and Roy Black, his
attorney, have been saying all along. Rush is innocent. Mmmhmm.
If Rush is “not guilty,” Bush's mission in Iraq was accomplished
3 years ago today.
But that's their stories and they're sticking to them. Republicans don't let
facts get in their way, especially when there is a big shot reputation to rescue, although sometimes people are just too far gone. See Delay, Abramoff, Ralph Reed, Duke I like hookers Cunningham and a whole host of other Republicans to be named later.
The bottom line, as we learned on Friday, is the case is closed. But Rush added
a fantasy flourish for emphasis: It's like I went to court and won, but
I got it over much sooner, paraphrasing the president's man. Only a Republican
would call getting a mug shot at the sheriff's office a win, after a two plus
year fight about it that costs tens of thousands of dollars, topped with a random drug test chaser. Well, at least it's over, which is good news for the president's gabber, but we still have the gift of a mug shot.
It's the same thing Bush is doing over Iraq. Today, calling it a “turning
point,” with “victory” still the only goal. All that's left is
Bush proclaiming “victory,” no matter the reality on the ground. Both
Bush and Rush defining the word “victory” ever downward. After all,
when you're caught with your hand in the oxycontin jar, which has been rumored
to have been supplied by your maid through all sorts of other doctors than your
own, “victory” can never be outright. Same with Bush. After screwing
up for 3 years, you can't exactly claim victory in the usual sense of the word.
Maybe that's why Republicans are shifting to a new strategy.
Bring in Tony Snowjob, who has criticized the president. See, he's “independent.”
Have El Rushbo criticize Frist's gas payoff of $100. The radio king said again
today that it's insulting and that trying to buy the American people off with
a $100 bucks is ridiculous.
Prominent Republicans are now criticizing Bush. Get it? We're independent.
Rush is “not guilty” and got “a victory,” along with his
mug shot and random drug tests. Did you see Senator Specter threatening to cut off funding for the
NSA spying program? When pigs fly, baby. Distance from Bush is good in image,
if not the reality. But as Stephen Colbert said, “reality has a well-known liberal bias.” Republicans, on the other hand, don't want anything to do with it.
